In Case You Accidentally Slept Through the Weekend...

• A 19-year-old ho, desperate for attention, called into some Virginia radio station last week, publicly claiming that Chris Brown fathers her bastard child. The baby mama, a VA native named Michelle Gasper, cried hysterically to the station, saying she and Brown dated for two years back in 2003, and that he helped her conceive her now 4-year-old son when she was 14 years old. She also told the station that Brown's mom Joyce Hopkins, was paying the teen off from day one, to keep her silent. She says she decided to come forth all this time later because she wants Brown in her child's life to play a fatherly role--AKA wants to take advantage of her supposed baby daddy's fame and $. 

• In "thrilling" couples' news, Lindsay Lohan and her short-haired lova Samantha Ronson are supposedly due to wed later this year. Apparently Dina Lohan is doing all the wedding planning, and Lilo is reportedly in the process of shopping for a white Chanel mini. And on that note: I find it funny that everyone makes such a shocking deal of this whole Lilo/SamRo business, when doesn't anyone remember all those myspace messages from last year when Lohan's account was hacked? This whole "love" and "marriage" thing is really no new news in the duo's life.

• The ground shook yesterday--and not from an aftershock from last Tuesday's earthquake. But by the posting of the cover of the Brangelina twins issue of People magazine. I know, just a cover. And not really much of a revealing one. But apparently, the 19-page spread of the saintly family, including twins, will be featured in the magazine's issue that hits newsstands today. A $15 million spread, might I add.