In Case You Accidentally Slept Through the Weekend...

• A 19-year-old ho, desperate for attention, called into some Virginia radio station last week, publicly claiming that Chris Brown fathers her bastard child. The baby mama, a VA native named Michelle Gasper, cried hysterically to the station, saying she and Brown dated for two years back in 2003, and that he helped her conceive her now 4-year-old son when she was 14 years old. She also told the station that Brown's mom Joyce Hopkins, was paying the teen off from day one, to keep her silent. She says she decided to come forth all this time later because she wants Brown in her child's life to play a fatherly role--AKA wants to take advantage of her supposed baby daddy's fame and $. 

• In "thrilling" couples' news, Lindsay Lohan and her short-haired lova Samantha Ronson are supposedly due to wed later this year. Apparently Dina Lohan is doing all the wedding planning, and Lilo is reportedly in the process of shopping for a white Chanel mini. And on that note: I find it funny that everyone makes such a shocking deal of this whole Lilo/SamRo business, when doesn't anyone remember all those myspace messages from last year when Lohan's account was hacked? This whole "love" and "marriage" thing is really no new news in the duo's life.

• The ground shook yesterday--and not from an aftershock from last Tuesday's earthquake. But by the posting of the cover of the Brangelina twins issue of People magazine. I know, just a cover. And not really much of a revealing one. But apparently, the 19-page spread of the saintly family, including twins, will be featured in the magazine's issue that hits newsstands today. A $15 million spread, might I add.

Best Looking Baby Adorns Best Looking Mag Cover

I’ve always had this infatuation w Brit and K-Fed’s kids (Tater Tot & Small Fry), and I’m not going to lie—I think little Suri Cruise is absolutely precious. Buttt… as much as I hate to admit it, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is by far the most beautiful child perhaps ever to grace the planet (?). I mean when they said that the Brangelina spawn would be the best looking human ever, I honestly didn’t buy into the hype. I *still* think Brangelina make a weird couple, and I totally thought their spawn would turn out quite obscure. But just goes to support the argument that it is like impossible for celebs to have ugly kids. It JUST DOESN’T HAPPEN. Gawd, wtf?

Jessica Alba & Tori Spelling Can Plan Joint Baby Bday Parties Every Year

In case your world hasn’t stopped yet, please be informed of the following:

Tori Spelling gave birth to her second child yesterday at 3:13 pm at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles via C-Section. The baby girl, named Stella Doreen McDermott, weighed in at 6 pounds, 8 ounces, and measured 19 and 3/4 inches long.

This followed Saturday’s birth of Honor Marie Warren, the debut baby for Jessica Alba (and hubby Cash Warren), also born at Cedars Sinai Med Ctr in L.A.

These, of course, following the faux-birth of the Brangelina twins.

I feel like celebs and their baby premieres are the new celebs and their movie premieres. Wtf?!

Next up: birth of Jamie-Lynn’s little one. That one’s gonna be innnnteresting!

I don’t normally care about all the celeb baby buzz, but I figured since it’s all happening at once, I may as well post it. I just can’t wait for Kimmy K and Reg to have kids someday. Now *those* be some seeds worth writing about!

Who Knew a Set of Fetuses Could Be So Controversial

I didn’t initially choose to post about Brangelinagate, because quite frankly, I didn’t realize it was going to turn into Brangelinagate. As you may (or may not know), TV’s “Entertainment Tonight” reported “exclusively” on Monday that Angelina Jolie had given birth to her 3-months-premature twins in France, naming the infants Isla Marcheline and Amelie Jane Jolie-Pitt (Marcheline and Jane are names after Angelina and Brad's mothers, respectively). Within minutes of this “breaking news,” People, E! and Us each received word from reps for the star couple, saying indeed Angelina had not given birth, and was resting at her home just fine.

What started as a slight (ok, major) snafu spiraled into a week of new development after new development. “ET” claims they were contacted by Holly Goline, Angelina’s personal assistant, who apparently announced to a rep for the show that she was in the delivery room with the couple and their twins were born. Turns out, however, that Goline never wrote the email after all—that apparently it was an imposter. Turns out after that, now reports are saying that “ET” knew all along that the story was fake—and was even told by official sources before they announced the news. “ET” remained mum about the ordeal for awhile, saying they “wanted to see how the story panned out.” And now, Jossip reports that some random blog was what started the whole thing. Interesting story. Read about it here.

Either way, it’s been a crazy Brangelina week. First the $$ amount for first photos of the babies, and now this. Once they actually do have those twins, all hell is going to break loose in the media.