Tell Us Something We *Don't* Already Know!

It’s not like I want to watch the brother-sister-separated-at-birth duo—also known as Speidi—babble about nonsense in the first place, but if I must watch, can they please babble about different nonsense than they babble about in every single interview? C’mon, vary it up a bit. These Hills interviews are so predictable. All of them—despite which “character” is being interviewed. The only reason I use Speidi in this case is because they are the most recent Hills interviewees I have viewed, and they are the ones I have seen interviewed the most. Before watching, I already knew not only the questions, but the answers. No, I don’t have ESP—it’s more like these peoples’ lives really aren’t that interesting after all, and they only have the same few things to go off of.

Per Usual:

Q: So how much of the stuff we see on The Hills is real?

A: All of it’s real. We give the camera men our schedules and they follow us to the places they think sound interesting. Or if we’re having a fight with someone, we’ll inform them so they can film.

Q: So, Heidi, Lauren is your ex-friend, correct? And do you hate her?

A: Lauren is a great person. I wish her all the best—yadda yadda… I have no control over the end of our friendship. She made me choose between her and Spencer.

Q: So you guys are getting married?

A: (the question stayed the same as ush, but surprisingly the answer varied just a bit [shocking!]) Heidi: I am young, 21, blah blah. Not sure when we’re getting married, but we’re engaged to be engaged (umm—okay…in other words, we’re engaged until MTV calls it quits with The Hills)

Q: So, you’ve had work done, Heidi. It was very “brave” of you to come out and be honest about it. (I mean it only landed you yet another US Weekly cover & a wad of dolla billz, but hey, we know you came out for all the right reasons.)

A: I was teased my whole life for my ittie-bittie-ti**ies and my wretched honkin huge nose—and I wanted to be a role model to other girls with insecurities. (Because, yeah, the way to help an insecure person is to assure them that plastic surgery is the only way out). I also had my DSLs done, too. But we’ll save that for the next interview [smiles]

Q: Wow, so you guys really get $100,000 just to make a club appearance for one night?

A: [looks over to twin brother—I mean fiancée—Spencer. Hey babe. I’ll let you take this question] Spencer: Yeah, we’re kind of a big deal. You know. And plus, they pay Heidi to make singing performances at clubs. She has an amazing voice. [Heidi chimes in:] My new album is coming out very soon. In the meantime you can catch all of my hit songs on iTunes. I’m going to be the next Madonna. My songs are amazing and Spencer produces all of them. Oh, and I also have a very successful fashion line called Heidiwood. Sold exclusively at the ever-classy Anchor Blue.

Gosh, I was getting bored just writing this stuff up. But hey, at least they’ve finally dropped the alleged LC/Jason sex-tape that we all know never existed. Okay, that’s enough Speidi-talk for one afternoon—or one lifetime for that matter.