Just in Case You Were Too Hungover All Weekend to Press the Start Button on Your 'Puter...

• Madge celebrated her big five-oh with her peeps at Volstead nightclub in London, including seXXXy hubby Guy Ritchie and well-mannered daughter Lourdes. Her Madge-esty looked fab (see photo above) on her big day, but apparently she didn't feel entirely at ease about the $200,000 affair. During her 40-minute speech to guests, she stated, "I'm really disappointed. There are a lot of people who did not make it tonight, but thanks to everyone who did make it."
• Lilo is reportedly set to convert to my religion, Judaism because she feels that close to her girlfriend Samantha Ronson...Or she just worships The Platinum Pen and wants to follow in my footsteps ;-)
• It was a story of civic heroism, as dozens of bystanders in The Bronx, New York, rushed to the aid of Donnette Sanz, a 7-month-pregnant woman who was trapped under a bus after a van's brakes went out and crashed into the bus, accidentally taking Sanz under, as she was walking across the intersection of the incident at the time. Sanz, a 33-year-old NYPD traffic agent, was announced dead following the incident, but the bystanders who attempted to rescue the woman were able to lift the bus, get Sanz out from under, and doctors were able to deliver Sanz' baby prematurely instead of leaving it for dead in Sanz' womb. The baby, named Sean Michael Sanz, is in critical condition, but is said will be okay.
  

In Case You Accidentally Slept Through the Weekend...

• A 19-year-old ho, desperate for attention, called into some Virginia radio station last week, publicly claiming that Chris Brown fathers her bastard child. The baby mama, a VA native named Michelle Gasper, cried hysterically to the station, saying she and Brown dated for two years back in 2003, and that he helped her conceive her now 4-year-old son when she was 14 years old. She also told the station that Brown's mom Joyce Hopkins, was paying the teen off from day one, to keep her silent. She says she decided to come forth all this time later because she wants Brown in her child's life to play a fatherly role--AKA wants to take advantage of her supposed baby daddy's fame and $. 

• In "thrilling" couples' news, Lindsay Lohan and her short-haired lova Samantha Ronson are supposedly due to wed later this year. Apparently Dina Lohan is doing all the wedding planning, and Lilo is reportedly in the process of shopping for a white Chanel mini. And on that note: I find it funny that everyone makes such a shocking deal of this whole Lilo/SamRo business, when doesn't anyone remember all those myspace messages from last year when Lohan's account was hacked? This whole "love" and "marriage" thing is really no new news in the duo's life.

• The ground shook yesterday--and not from an aftershock from last Tuesday's earthquake. But by the posting of the cover of the Brangelina twins issue of People magazine. I know, just a cover. And not really much of a revealing one. But apparently, the 19-page spread of the saintly family, including twins, will be featured in the magazine's issue that hits newsstands today. A $15 million spread, might I add.